Free Lancer

Frustration! =(

2008-02-27T03:24:00.000-08:00

Sigh....I can't think of anyway to relieve my frustration and vexation but to blog. I don't think anyone would read my blog anyway, I'm so puny and insignificant. Come to think of it, my every post is always about something negative. Right.... First thing first, I went to school today with taryee. On the next bus stop idah board on the same bus. Then after having EL lectures, accompanied by des and gang we went to the canteen for recess. While queuing up, I notice idah was behind me.....I didn't really have the mood to talk but I tried hard talking. The conversation between us becomes real awkward. I said something I shouldn't have, and I think it somehow anger her. Man! I should really shut up! Then this thing keep getting into me, up till now I feel really stress. "URE REALLY BAD", wow this really struck me hard. Dang! I did it again = (

Before that i was really happy that my gramps was discharge from SGH, and everything would be smoothen, or so I thought. I was wrong! Bad things kept coming forth...

During Chinese lesson I asked Ben a really dumb but important question, "Do u hate me?” "Yes", he replied sternly. Sigh....a lot kind of tangled emotion was swirling inside me after i heard his reply. The reason he hated mi was mainly because im a dumb and slow person. He kept kicking me and pulling my collar. These actions don’t seem to be joke but real confrontations.

Ok I think now there is already 2 people who really despise me and I just don't know how to make it up to them.

I've already hurt Idah the 2nd time, I dun even think im fit to be her friend. Argh!?!? i do more harm than good! Sometimes I just wish I could be more sensitive so that I wont be apologizing to her all the time. Sometimes I just wish to be intelligent and witty so that Ben could just tolerate and acknowledge me. Sometimes I just wish to be tall so that I could fit in. Sometimes I just wish that I wasn't corny , how I wish to have a great sense of humor to keep my friends around me happy. Whoa, im an outcast almost everywhere.

I'm pathetic; I have nothing great to share with people around me. I dun even know if im am going to make another "pathetic" apology to her. I have a pathetic mind and body. I'm a wussy, a wimp and a loser. I don't feel like going to school tomorrow, I have to face so up to so many people. Now that Simon is "gone" I really have no one to confide in. Everyday my social circle becomes smaller and smaller, and the people revolving around me becomes lesser.

Argh! I dun wanna be emo! All these events that happened made me a pessimist. I just feel that my life is off the tracks... I can't help but to always think of the negatives. Sometimes i wonder, how do people respond to events around them in an optimal manner, whatever the external circumstances.

2007-07-10T07:28:00.000-07:00

whoa.....It's been a long time since i've updated my blogbeing a tardy person, u guys should know why ? xD. Today aint a good day at all. Im getting more and more scoldings each day and today is no exception.First thing in the morning i was given "compliments"4doing badly in the GOD DAMN graded maths assignment which i don't even know its was going to be graded. Next, was scolded by TCK, man i hate this woman, she sucha pain in my ass....i cant live with her whining! Everyday she peppered me with weird questions.

2007-04-30T01:27:00.000-07:00

Anticipating for my exams as the days to mid-year are nearing.Needless to say about stress! Sigh, i had a melancholy day today. I did badly for my maths test again! I screwed up every test that i've came across, my grades are going downhill. Everything i do made me look the worst in teacher's eyes. Today my math teacher gave bad comments about me, in terms of my academic performances and behaviour in class. Sigh, I'm downcasted with failures that i had met with everyday. To me failure is not the mother of success, Its more of the opposite of success. Sometimes things just dosen't go the way we want it to. My friends are handling with changes just fine while I'm struggling to gasp for air

2007-04-24T03:24:00.000-07:00

A typical day in school. We received alot of test for the past few days....and our test result? argh!? Feeling so hopeless, flunked so many tests, certainly demoralized! Teacher return us our chemistry ST..I barely pass, that "TooT" sat next to me get 28/40 and he still not contended with his marks, kept grumbling! Grouchy boy! Hello!? Highest in class is 29!? Then, that snobbish girl came to "him", arrograntly told "him" she got higher than "him". Then, I gave him an obsolete expression and managed to shut him up! Hahas sorry dude xD! We also received back our E-maths test, it was horribly done! 3/4 of the class failed! Sad sia! The whole world is turning against me! Things were never smoothen! Argh!? Currently, working under extreme pressure! I'm desperate to grow tall! Awaiting for the day to grow exponentially!

ASP

2007-03-29T07:46:00.003-07:00

I will heed brad advice to cut down the usage of bombasic words . Today was a relatively pleasent day for me. Everything went smoothly, except for chinese. Ms Lim commented on our behaviour in class. She expect a change of seating arrangement. Brad took a direct hit from Ms lim,Saying that his chinese grades were no good, and even encouraged him to take CLB. Brandon was disheartened, i know he had put in effort to improve his chinese. He managed to pass all of his test including the chinese ST. I felt guilty, maybe MAYBE i was the one distracting him during chinese lesson, that caused his poor chinese grade. Nah! his chinese was never good in the first place. =X I stayed back after school to brush up on my logarithms, preparing for the test tomorrow. Desmond and melvin had their CCAs. Desmond called up some 3I people to help me in my revision. I was astounded by the high level of intelligence that 3I dude displayed. He managed to solve alot of questions from the TYS. Then, i went down with desmond to the courtyard to play soccer. Desmond can kick the ball really high. While we were playing soccer, Ms Lei and Mr Seow walked pass us. I overheard them saying " can go already?" or something like that. We went home after Melvin's CCA ended.

Got humiliated

2007-03-28T04:14:00.000-07:00

Today, I was ticked off by TCK. She told me to keep quiet and added on, saying that i have poor grades and have no right to talk. Refraining me from engaging any conversations with my friends. Any idiot could perceived a note of sacarsm in her voice. That statement she made seems more like an insult than genuine efforts to motivate me to do better. Implying that i'm incompetent for better results.It made me speechless with words.I was sullen for the entire day by the words she had thrown directly onto me(It was a burnt). Inciting me to rebel against her (But i did not). (i was freaking pissed) She thinks I'm an indolent person. Well, I'm not!!

A sad day for brad

2007-03-26T07:52:00.000-07:00

Brandon had a melancholy mood today. In the early morning, i said "hi" to him but he gave mi a downcast glance so i perceived a note of dispondency in the way he reacts.i contemplate his erratic behaviour but was clueless .I asked him what caused him to be low-spirited. He reluctantly explained everything to me. The loss of of his good friend made him disconsolate.Then he started whining about the good and bad times he had with that friend. I was annoyed and told him sternly to wipe off those whiny little tears and get a life. This sacarsm started a dispute between me and brandon.We have some arguements. Gradually, things got better as both of us were forgiving.

I am @ Youth.sg

2007-03-18T08:08:00.000-07:00

There is probably nothing more painful or hilarous for a youth in singapore than hearing a foreigner try to speak Singlish.I heard it for myself and just couldn't stop laughing. The way foreigners tries to mimic our 'singlish' accent made me realise singlish is not just a language but an artform.Its Intricacies are almost impossible to explain. Even teachers can't be of help. So you either get it or you don't. Even with resources like wikipedia, Foreigners still make an impoverished attempt to speak singlish which sound more like insult than genuine efforts to grasp the language.It remind me of our local comedian Gurmit Singh who starred as Phua Chu Kang truly expresses the essence of singlish " Don't play play, Best in singapore and JB and some say Batam".However, I think it will be more useful if Singaporeans adopt the American accent, Wholly or inpart- to assimilate and survive. This appropriation is by no means an abandonment of who I am or where I come from. Rather, it is a necessary means to functioning efficently outside our "little red dot". As a Singaporean I yearn for a moment of speech without care of "proper expression" or conversion of words such as "lift" into American equivalent of "elevator" and "Trolley"to "cart". Afterall, i find nothing more comforting than being in an enviroment where everyone speaks and is understood like a Singaporeans. So i say, Savour the ease of communication where you are.