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Wednesday, February 27, 2008
- 3:24 AM
Sigh....I can't think of anyway to relieve my frustration and vexation but to blog. I don't think anyone would read my blog anyway, I'm so puny and insignificant. Come to think of it, my every post is always about something negative. Right.... First thing first, I went to school today with taryee. On the next bus stop idah board on the same bus. Then after having EL lectures, accompanied by des and gang we went to the canteen for recess. While queuing up, I notice idah was behind me.....I didn't really have the mood to talk but I tried hard talking. The conversation between us becomes real awkward. I said something I shouldn't have, and I think it somehow anger her. Man! I should really shut up! Then this thing keep getting into me, up till now I feel really stress. "URE REALLY BAD", wow this really struck me hard. Dang! I did it again = (
Before that i was really happy that my gramps was discharge from SGH, and everything would be smoothen, or so I thought. I was wrong! Bad things kept coming forth...
During Chinese lesson I asked Ben a really dumb but important question, "Do u hate me?” "Yes", he replied sternly. Sigh....a lot kind of tangled emotion was swirling inside me after i heard his reply. The reason he hated mi was mainly because im a dumb and slow person. He kept kicking me and pulling my collar. These actions don’t seem to be joke but real confrontations.
Ok I think now there is already 2 people who really despise me and I just don't know how to make it up to them.
I've already hurt Idah the 2nd time, I dun even think im fit to be her friend. Argh!?!? i do more harm than good! Sometimes I just wish I could be more sensitive so that I wont be apologizing to her all the time. Sometimes I just wish to be intelligent and witty so that Ben could just tolerate and acknowledge me. Sometimes I just wish to be tall so that I could fit in. Sometimes I just wish that I wasn't corny , how I wish to have a great sense of humor to keep my friends around me happy. Whoa, im an outcast almost everywhere.
I'm pathetic; I have nothing great to share with people around me. I dun even know if im am going to make another "pathetic" apology to her. I have a pathetic mind and body. I'm a wussy, a wimp and a loser. I don't feel like going to school tomorrow, I have to face so up to so many people. Now that Simon is "gone" I really have no one to confide in. Everyday my social circle becomes smaller and smaller, and the people revolving around me becomes lesser. Argh! I dun wanna be emo! All these events that happened made me a pessimist. I just feel that my life is off the tracks... I can't help but to always think of the negatives. Sometimes i wonder, how do people respond to events around them in an optimal manner, whatever the external circumstances.
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